A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.
Erma Bombeck

A gift consists not in what is done or given, but in the intention of the giver or doer.
Lucius Annaeus Seneca

A gift, with a kind countenance, is a double present.
Thomas Fuller

About astrology and palmistry: they are good because they make people vivid and full of possibilities. They are communism at its best. Everybody has a birthday and almost everybody has a palm.
Kurt Vonnegut

All the world is birthday cake, so take a piece, but not too much.
George Harrison

Being seventy is not a sin.
Golda Meir

Every year on your birthday, you get a chance to start new.
Sammy Hagar

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.
Steven Wright

God gave us the gift of life; it is up to us to give ourselves the gift of living well.
Voltaire

Handmade presents are scary because they reveal that you have too much free time.
Doug Coupland


How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?
Satchel Paige

I binge when I'm happy. When everything is going really well, every day is like I'm at a birthday party.
Kirstie Alley

I crashed my boyfriend's birthday when I was 12 years old. He didn't invite me and so I showed up.
Isla Fisher

I cried on my 18th birthday. I thought 17 was such a nice age. You're young enough to get away with things, but you're old enough, too.
Liv Tyler

I do like to shock and surprise people. When it's all in good fun, of course.
Ruth Warrick

I had a birthday one night on a farm we were shooting on. I walked into the tent, and there were 150 people waiting for me, all wearing masks of my face.
Stephen Hopkins

I hate birthdays.
Zane Grey

I often buy myself presents. Sometimes I will spend $100,000 in one day in a posh boutique.
Celine Dion

I quit high school on my birthday. It was my senior year and I didn't see the point. This was 1962, and I was ready to make music.
Barry White

I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'
Steven Wright