I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, "You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit." As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.Mitch Hedberg
Select Mitch Hedberg Quotations
You know when they have a fishing show on TV? They catch the fish and then let it go. They don't want to eat the fish, they just want to make it late for something.
Mitch Hedberg
Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus, or just a really cool Opotamus?
Mitch Hedberg
I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.
Mitch Hedberg
I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later.
Mitch Hedberg
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
Mitch Hedberg
A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap.
Mitch Hedberg
I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality.
Mitch Hedberg
All Mitch Hedberg Quotations
Words
Blocking,
Business,
Came,
Casino,
Exit,
Fire,
Gonna,
Guy,
Legs,
Minding,
Move,
Never,
Own,
Run,
Said,
Though,
Up
Definitions
Blocking,
Business,
Came,
Casino,
Exit,
Fire,
Guy,
Minding,
Move,
Never,
Own,
Run,
Said,
Though,
Up
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