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If I'd written all the truth I knew for the past ten years, about 600 people - including me - would be rotting in prison cells from Rio to Seattle today. Absolute truth is a very rare and dangerous commodity in the context of professional journalism.
Hunter S. Thompson
Only the man who does not need it, is fit to inherit wealth, the man who would make his fortune no matter where he started.
Ayn Rand
I invented my life by taking for granted that everything I did not like would have an opposite, which I would like.
Coco Chanel
If I had known what it would be like to have it all - I might have been willing to settle for less.
Lily Tomlin
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
Michel de Montaigne
The trouble with most of us is that we would rather be ruined by praise than saved by criticism.
Norman Vincent Peale
Drop the idea that you are Atlas carrying the world on your shoulders. The world would go on even without you. Don't take yourself so seriously.
Norman Vincent Peale
I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.
Woody Allen
If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.
Woody Allen
Let it be your constant method to look into the design of people's actions, and see what they would be at, as often as it is practicable; and to make this custom the more significant, practice it first upon yourself.
Marcus Aurelius
Someone told me that each equation I included in the book would halve the sales.
Stephen Hawking
I wish my name was Brian because maybe sometimes people would misspell my name and call me Brain. That's like a free compliment and you don't even gotta be smart to notice it.
Mitch Hedberg
I would imagine that if you could understand Morse code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy.
Mitch Hedberg
If carrots got you drunk, rabbits would be messed-up.
Mitch Hedberg
I remember a specific moment, watching my grandmother hang the clothes on the line, and her saying to me, 'you are going to have to learn to do this,' and me being in that space of awareness and knowing that my life would not be the same as my grandmother's life.
Oprah Winfrey
You know you are on the road to success if you would do your job, and not be paid for it.
Oprah Winfrey
She is the mother I never had, she is the sister everybody would want. She is the friend that everybody deserves. I don't know a better person.
Oprah Winfrey
Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.
Steven Wright
If God dropped acid, would he see people?
Steven Wright
If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?
Steven Wright
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