The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing at you.
Phyllis Diller

Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle - keep away from children.
Phyllis Diller

Now, people when I say that look at me and say, 'What are you talking about, Joe? You're telling me we have to go spend money to keep from going bankrupt?'. The answer is yes, that's what I'm telling you.
Joe Biden

Have you noticed that whatever sport you're trying to learn, some earnest person is always telling you to keep your knees bent?
Dave Barry

Bigotry tries to keep truth safe in its hand with a grip that kills it.
Rabindranath Tagore

I wanted to be an editor or a journalist, I wasn't really interested in being an entrepreneur, but I soon found I had to become an entrepreneur in order to keep my magazine going.
Richard Branson

You must capture and keep the heart of the original and supremely able man before his brain can do its best.
Andrew Carnegie

I was walking down fifth avenue today and I found a wallet, and I was gonna keep it, rather than return it, but I thought: well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel? And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson.
Emo Philips

Four-fifths of all our troubles would disappear, if we would only sit down and keep still.
Calvin Coolidge

The devil will let a preacher prepare a sermon if it will keep him from preparing himself.
Vance Havner

People wish to learn to swim and at the same time to keep one foot on the ground.
Marcel Proust

Learn to do common things uncommonly well; we must always keep in mind that anything that helps fill the dinner pail is valuable.
George Washington Carver

To keep the record straight, it wasn't always John and Yoko. We've all accused one another of various business things; we tend to be pretty paranoid by now, as you can imagine. There's a lot of money involved.
Paul McCartney

I was hoping he would get up so I could hit him again and keep him down.
Mike Tyson

I have learned that only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy. First, let her think she's having her own way. And second, let her have it.
Lyndon B. Johnson

Only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy. One is to let her think she is having her own way, and the other is to let her have it.
Lyndon B. Johnson

He taught me housekeeping; when I divorce I keep the house.
Zsa Zsa Gabor

I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.
Zsa Zsa Gabor

I'm a great housekeeper. I get divorced. I keep the house.
Zsa Zsa Gabor

No one knows if Saddam is still alive. They keep showing old footage of him on TV saying that it's live. You know, it's like the same thing we do with Dick Cheney.
David Letterman