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I must have a drink of breakfast.
W. C. Fields
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
W. C. Fields
I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes.
W. C. Fields
I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming.
W. C. Fields
I never met a kid I liked.
W. C. Fields
I never vote for anyone. I always vote against.
W. C. Fields
I never worry about being driven to drink; I just worry about being driven home.
W. C. Fields
I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.
W. C. Fields
I'm free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
W. C. Fields
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.
W. C. Fields
If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.
W. C. Fields
If there's a will, prosperity can't be far behind.
W. C. Fields
If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.
W. C. Fields
It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
W. C. Fields
It was a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy to thank her for it.
W. C. Fields
It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.
W. C. Fields
Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed.
W. C. Fields
Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.
W. C. Fields
Never cry over spilt milk, because it may have been poisoned.
W. C. Fields
Never give a sucker an even break.
W. C. Fields
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