Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
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I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
Rodney Dangerfield
I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
Rodney Dangerfield
I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.
Rodney Dangerfield
I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
Rodney Dangerfield
I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice - I don't know if I'm coming or going.
Rodney Dangerfield
If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all.
Rodney Dangerfield
It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.
Rodney Dangerfield
Life is just a bowl of pits.
Rodney Dangerfield
Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.
Rodney Dangerfield
Most of the arguments to which I am party fall somewhat short of being impressive, knowing to the fact that neither I nor my opponent knows what we are talking about.
Rodney Dangerfield
My cousins gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.
Rodney Dangerfield
My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
Rodney Dangerfield
My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
Rodney Dangerfield
My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
Rodney Dangerfield
My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
Rodney Dangerfield
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
Rodney Dangerfield
My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
Rodney Dangerfield
My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
Rodney Dangerfield
My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
Rodney Dangerfield
My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.
Rodney Dangerfield
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