A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.
Ogden Nash

A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold.
Ogden Nash

Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker.
Ogden Nash

Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy, but it's very funny - Did you ever try buying then without money?
Ogden Nash

Children aren't happy with nothing to ignore, and that's what parents were created for.
Ogden Nash

Commitments the voters don't know about can't hurt you.
Ogden Nash

Do you think my mind is maturing late, or simply rotted early?
Ogden Nash

Every Englishman is convinced of one thing, viz.: That to be an Englishman is to belong to the most exclusive club there is.
Ogden Nash

Every New Year is the direct descendant, isn't it, of a long line of proven criminals?
Ogden Nash

Happiness is having a scratch for every itch.
Ogden Nash


I claim there ain't Another Saint As great as Valentine.
Ogden Nash

I do not like to get the news, because there has never been an era when so many things were going so right for so many of the wrong persons.
Ogden Nash

I have an idea that the phrase 'weaker sex' was coined by some woman to disarm the man she was preparing to overwhelm.
Ogden Nash

I hope my tongue in prune juice smothers, If I belittle dogs and mothers.
Ogden Nash

I think remorse ought to stop biting the consciences that feed it.
Ogden Nash

I think that I shall never see a billboard lovely as a tree. Perhaps, unless the billboards fall, I'll never see a tree at all.
Ogden Nash

I would live all my life in nonchalance and insouciance, Were it not for making a living, which is rather a nouciance.
Ogden Nash

If you don't want to work you have to work to earn enough money so that you won't have to work.
Ogden Nash

Life is not having been told that the man has just waxed the floor.
Ogden Nash

Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them.
Ogden Nash