A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.
Milton Berle
Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.
Milton Berle
Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.
Milton Berle
I feel like Zsa Zsa Gabor's sixth husband. I know what I'm supposed to do, but I don't know how to make it interesting.
Milton Berle
I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank?
Milton Berle
I live to laugh, and I laugh to live.
Milton Berle
I'd rather be a could-be if I cannot be an are; because a could-be is a maybe who is reaching for a star. I'd rather be a has-been than a might-have-been, by far; for a might have-been has never been, but a has was once an are.
Milton Berle
If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?
Milton Berle
If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.
Milton Berle
Laughter is an instant vacation.
Milton Berle
Poverty is not a disgrace, but it's terribly inconvenient.
Milton Berle
The company accountant is shy and retiring. He's shy a quarter of a million dollars. That's why he's retiring.
Milton Berle
We owe a lot to Thomas Edison - if it wasn't for him, we'd be watching television by candlelight.
Milton Berle
You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think.
Milton Berle
Related Authors
George Carlin, Mitch Hedberg, Groucho Marx, Steven Wright, W. C. Fields, Rodney Dangerfield, Bill Cosby, Lenny Bruce, Henny Youngman
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