Don't be afraid of missing opportunities. Behind every failure is an opportunity somebody wishes they had missed.
Lily Tomlin

For fast-acting relief try slowing down.
Lily Tomlin

I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.
Lily Tomlin

I always wondered why somebody doesn't do something about that. Then I realized I was somebody.
Lily Tomlin

I like a teacher who gives you something to take home to think about besides homework.
Lily Tomlin

I personally think we developed language because of our deep need to complain.
Lily Tomlin

I worry that the person who thought up Muzak may be thinking up something else.
Lily Tomlin

I've always wanted to be somebody, but I see now I should have been more specific.
Lily Tomlin

If I had known what it would be like to have it all - I might have been willing to settle for less.
Lily Tomlin

If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?
Lily Tomlin


If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?
Lily Tomlin

If you read a lot of books you are considered well read. But if you watch a lot of TV, you're not considered well viewed.
Lily Tomlin

Instead of working for the survival of the fittest, we should be working for the survival of the wittiest - then we can all die laughing.
Lily Tomlin

It's my belief we developed language because of our deep inner need to complain.
Lily Tomlin

Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.
Lily Tomlin

Ninety eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hardworking, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then, we elected them.
Lily Tomlin

No matter how cynical you become, it's never enough to keep up.
Lily Tomlin

Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.
Lily Tomlin

Reality is nothing but a collective hunch.
Lily Tomlin

Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it.
Lily Tomlin