A guy gave me a job at an information booth - no questions asked.
Jay London
A window of opportunity for me usually involves a rock.
Jay London
After all these years I had the privilege of naming my private part, cause we have nicknames. So I named my private part pride... it's not much but at least I have my pride.
Jay London
At Motel 6 in Amish Country I wonder if they leave the light on for you?
Jay London
Did you know that today will never be tomorrow.
Jay London
Do you know it was a year a ago today?
Jay London
Does anybody know what I'm doing up here?
Jay London
I don't need to worry about identity theft because no one wants to be me.
Jay London
I model irregular clothing.
Jay London
I once dated a weather girl, we talked up a storm.
Jay London
I recorded my hair this morning, tonight I'm watching the highlights.
Jay London
I saw a sign it said left lane closed so I went someplace else.
Jay London
I saw a stationery store move.
Jay London
I told my therapist I was having nightmares about nuclear explosions. He said don't worry it's not the end of the world.
Jay London
I wanted to join the Army the sign said 'Be All That You Can Be', they told me it wasn't enough.
Jay London
I wanted to take up music, so my father bought me a blunt instrument. He told me to knock myself out.
Jay London
I was born nine months premature.
Jay London
I was going to buy a book on hair loss, but the pages kept falling out.
Jay London
I was lonely driving here tonight so I hugged the road.
Jay London
I went out with a promiscuous impressionist - she did everybody.
Jay London
Related Authors
George Carlin, Mitch Hedberg, Groucho Marx, Steven Wright, W. C. Fields, Rodney Dangerfield, Bill Cosby, Lenny Bruce, Henny Youngman
More American Comedian Quotes
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