A celebrity is a person who works hard all of their life to become well known, and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
Fred Allen
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing, but who, as a group, can meet and decide that nothing can be done.
Fred Allen
A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary.
Fred Allen
A conference is a gathering of people who singly can do nothing, but together can decide that nothing can be done.
Fred Allen
A gentleman is any man who wouldn't hit a woman with his hat on.
Fred Allen
A telescope will magnify a star a thousand times, but a good press agent can do even better.
Fred Allen
All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it.
Fred Allen
An actor's popularity is fleeting. His success has the life expectancy of a small boy who is about to look into a gas tank with a lighted match.
Fred Allen
An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission.
Fred Allen
An associate producer is the only guy in Hollywood who will associate with a producer.
Fred Allen
An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt.
Fred Allen
California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.
Fred Allen
California is a great place to live if you're an orange.
Fred Allen
Committee - a group of men who individually can do nothing but as a group decide that nothing can be done.
Fred Allen
During the Samuel Johnson days they had big men enjoying small talk; today we have small men enjoying big talk.
Fred Allen
Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent.
Fred Allen
Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted.
Fred Allen
Her hat is a creation that will never go out of style; it will just look ridiculous year after year.
Fred Allen
Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.
Fred Allen
I always have trouble remembering three things: faces, names, and - I can't remember what the third thing is.
Fred Allen
Related Authors
George Carlin, Mitch Hedberg, Groucho Marx, Steven Wright, W. C. Fields, Rodney Dangerfield, Bill Cosby, Lenny Bruce, Henny Youngman
More American Comedian Quotes
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