Eddie Fisher married to Elizabeth Taylor is like me trying to wash the Empire State Building with a bar of soap.
Don Rickles
Everything I've ever done in my whole career, people might not know, I've never written anything down on paper.
Don Rickles
Funny is funny.
Don Rickles
I cannot tell a joke. But I can do a situation, that it becomes a joke.
Don Rickles
I do situations and make fun of authority and life.
Don Rickles
I have a problem, if the light goes on on TV and it blinks midnight, I don't know how to fix it.
Don Rickles
I have my own gym. When you do jokes and they sell, you get a gym.
Don Rickles
I have no idea what I'm going to say when I stand up to give a toast. But I do know that anything I say I find funny.
Don Rickles
I have to have energy because I have a lot of expenses. A couple of cars, couple of dogs and a big estate.
Don Rickles
I mean, in my - and I'm not trying to do spilled milk, but in those days it was a little - I think it was much tougher, because you got an image, and you were in a saloon. And it was tough to come out of a saloon and to get in films, and to maintain an image, you know.
Don Rickles
I never went out looking for glory.
Don Rickles
I still have drive, but everything is relative.
Don Rickles
I think if I took therapy, the doctor would quit. He'd just pick up the couch and walk out of the room.
Don Rickles
I told jokes badly.
Don Rickles
I was a mother's boy.
Don Rickles
I was always the guy - out of insecurities, I was always making fun, even as a kid.
Don Rickles
I was sitting in the toilet and I was by myself. I was tired of playing with the roller, so I said I'd better write a book.
Don Rickles
I'd like to think my performance is today. I never try to - it's so, as you know, watching me, I have a beginning, middle and ending. But every night the show changes and I relate to an audience and I relate to the young people.
Don Rickles
I'm very shy so I became very outgoing to protect my shyness.
Don Rickles
In our day we went from - we went into saloons. We couldn't cross over like you can today, get a television series and all of a sudden you're a major movie star, you know.
Don Rickles
Related Authors
George Carlin, Mitch Hedberg, Groucho Marx, Steven Wright, W. C. Fields, Rodney Dangerfield, Bill Cosby, Lenny Bruce, Henny Youngman
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