A lot of good has come from drugs. I think 'Penny Lane' is worth 10 dead kids. Dark Side of the Moon is worth 100 dead kids. Because a lot of kids wouldn't even be born if it weren't for that album, so it evens out.
Bill Maher
Clinton left the White House with all the class of an XFL halftime show.
Bill Maher
Curious people are intersting people, I wonder why that is.
Bill Maher
Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease.
Bill Maher
Fame has sent a number of celebrities off the deep end, and in the case of Michael Jackson, to the kiddy pool.
Bill Maher
Hi, I'm Bill. I'm a birth survivor.
Bill Maher
I do think the patriotic thing to do is to critique my country. How else do you make a country better but by pointing out its flaws?
Bill Maher
I don't want my president to be a TV star. You don't have to be on television every minute of every day - you're the president, not a rerun of 'Law & Order'. TV stars are too worried bout being popular and too concerned about being renewed.
Bill Maher
I never thought I'd say this, what Obama needs in his personality is a little George Bush.
Bill Maher
I think capital punishment works great. Every killer you kill never kills again.
Bill Maher
I think flying planes into a building was a faith-based initiative. I think religion is a neurological disorder.
Bill Maher
If you think you have it tough, read history books.
Bill Maher
Iraq now says that it will, after all, destroy its missiles. President Bush said, 'Please, I used to pull the same trick. There'd be an intervention, I'd make a big show of pouring out the liquor and then there was a case under the floorboards.'
Bill Maher
It's all been satirized for your protection.
Bill Maher
Jim Bakker spells his name with two k's because three would be too obvious.
Bill Maher
Kids. They're not easy. But there has to be some penalty for sex.
Bill Maher
Let's face it; God has a big ego problem. Why do we always have to worship him?
Bill Maher
Let's make a law that gay people can have birthdays, but straight people get more cake - you know, to send the right message to kids.
Bill Maher
Maybe every other American movie shouldn't be based on a comic book. Other countries will think Americans live in an infantile fantasy land where reality is whatever we say it is and every problem can be solved with violence.
Bill Maher
Men are only as loyal as their options.
Bill Maher
Related Authors
George Carlin, Mitch Hedberg, Groucho Marx, Steven Wright, W. C. Fields, Rodney Dangerfield, Bill Cosby, Lenny Bruce, Henny Youngman
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