A writer's job is to tell the truth.
Andy Rooney

All men are not created equal but should be treated as though they were under the law.
Andy Rooney

Anyone who watches golf on television would enjoy watching the grass grow on the greens.
Andy Rooney

As an old reporter, we have a few secrets, and the first thing is we try the phone book.
Andy Rooney

Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
Andy Rooney

Computers may save time but they sure waste a lot of paper. About 98 percent of everything printed out by a computer is garbage that no one ever reads.
Andy Rooney

Death is a distant rumor to the young.
Andy Rooney

Don't rule out working with your hands. It does not preclude using your head.
Andy Rooney

Elephants and grandchildren never forget.
Andy Rooney

Figure skating is an unlikely Olympic event but its good television. It's sort of a combination of gymnastics and ballet. A little sexy too which doesn't hurt.
Andy Rooney


Happiness depends more on how life strikes you than on what happens.
Andy Rooney

I didn't get old on purpose, it just happened. If you're lucky, it could happen to you.
Andy Rooney

I don't like food that's too carefully arranged; it makes me think that the chef is spending too much time arranging and not enough time cooking. If I wanted a picture I'd buy a painting.
Andy Rooney

I don't pick subjects as much as they pick me.
Andy Rooney

I don't think the government is out to get me or help someone else get me but it wouldn't surprise me if they were out to sell me something or help someone else sell me something. I mean, why else would the Census Bureau want to know my telephone number?
Andy Rooney

I hope all of you are going to fill out your census form when it comes in the mail next month. If you don't return the form the area you live in might get less government money and you wouldn't want that to happen, would you.
Andy Rooney

I just wish we knew a little less about his urethra and a little more about his arms sales to Iran.
Andy Rooney

I like ice hockey, but it's a frustrating game to watch. It's hard to keep your eyes on both the puck and the players and too much time passes between scoring in hockey. There are usually more fights than there are points.
Andy Rooney

I obviously have a knack for getting on paper what a lot of people have thought and didn't realize they thought. And they say, 'Hey, yeah!' And they like that.
Andy Rooney

I'm in a position of feeling secure enough so that I can say what I think is right and if so many people think it's wrong that I get fired, well, I've got enough to eat.
Andy Rooney